Bored today? How about taking your turn to drive someone nuts. I’ve compiled a list of things you can do to annoy the crap out of people for days like these.

Call an addiction hot line and explain that you’re hooked on phonics.

Convince people that they’re pronouncing normal words wrong.

Wash out a gas can, punch a hole in it, then fill it with water and carry it down a busy lunch-hour sidewalk while smoking the biggest cigar you can find.

Ask strangers if they have change for a nickel.

Stick ‘Kick Me’ signs on inanimate objects.

In the bathroom at work, utter loud, pain-wracked screams, then emerge holding a large hen’s egg.

In the middle of the night, noisily bury a fully dressed mannequin in your backyard. Arrange lawn furniture on the fresh mound and sit down in it quickly when the police arrive.

Call National Acme Co. Ask if they have any products you could use to kill a roadrunner.

Fill an inflate-a-date with helium and release it at rush hour on a windy day. Chase it down the street, yelling, “Come back here, you tramp!”

Rush yourself to the ER and explain to the night nurse that you were resting on your leg for a long time and now it feels like pins and needles. Ask if they’ll have to amputate.

Go to the airport wearing a suit of armor and try walking through the metal detector.

Call the Q-Tips 800 number and say that one of the cotton swab parts just came off in your ear. When they reply, keep shouting, “What? What? Twat did you say!?”

Get a video camera and microphone and chase a local TV news crew around. Interrupt on-the-scene shots by shouting questions like “Where have all the cowboys gone?”

Go to the polar bear enclosure at the zoo and shout, “C’mon Larry, enough’s enough! Take off that costume and come back to the office!”

Thanks to Maxim Magazine for some of their well-worthy ideas!

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